What Do Scorpion Pizza & Marianas Trench Have In Common?

They’re Both Delicious, & We Found Them Both At Edmonton’s Very Own K-Days!

Date: July 22, 2014
Venue: Telus Stage, Klondike Days, Northlands
City: Edmonton, AB
Highlight: Josh Ramsay’s red pleather pants. The 70’s called – they are terribly angry that you stole them, and would appreciate their safe return.
Reviewed By: Devan Rylee

9:00 am: Task of the Day – Find some poor sucker to eat a piece of Scorpion Pizza at Klondike Days. Film person eating it. Secretly hope said person throws up after eating it, purely for entertainment and shock value. Acknowledge that I’m a horrible person for hoping this.

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10:00am: I’m told that if I can’t find someone to eat the Scorpion Pizza, that I have to eat it myself. Karma’s such a bitch.
11:00am: Think up every possible reason as to why I can’t eat Scorpion Pizza. “I’m allergic to Scorpions, seriously, it says so right underneath Penicillin on my Medical Alert Bracelet”
11:20am: Realize that I’m most likely not going to find someone to eat the pizza. Spend extra time perfecting my eyeliner in case I have a severe allergic reaction to Scorpions and this is the last time I ever get to post a Selfie on Instagram.
6:00pm: Ambush dozens upon dozens of people to try and find someone brave enough to tackle the pizza. The people working the scorpion kiosk try to convince me that it’s actuallMealworm-pizzay really tasty. Riiiight. I bet you think the Millworm pizza is delicious too, don’t you? The line up for the pizza is actually surprisingly long, very long, but I feel like it’s cheating if I just use someone already willingly in line for this challenge, so the search continues.
6:30pm: I start offering strangers everything that I have on me to try and convince them to indulge in a piece of warm, gooey, cheesy Scorpion pizza. Money, chiclets, hand sanitizer, my soul – nobody’s budging. In fact, I’m getting every excuse in the world as to why they’d “love to try it.. but can’t.

1.) “I don’t eat meat.”
2.) “I don’t eat seafood”
3.) “I’m on a diet”

Last time I checked, scorpions weren’t considered meat, nor seafood, and they’re probably each about 3.5 calories, but I’m impressed with these people’s commitment.
7:30pm: FOUND HIM. I was about to accept my fate, whatever it may be after I ate the pizza, but I found him. Someone who was far too excited to discover that not only Scorpion Pizza exists, but that I’m about to buy him his first slice of it. We skip joyously towards the kiosk together (seriously), he eats it like a champ, and it was a beautiful moment. Did he puke? Well, you’ll just have to watch the video that I’ll be posting to find out!
9:30pm: Task # 1. Complete. Task # 2 officially commences. Survive Marianas Trench concert. This has got to be easier then the pizza one, right?

I take pride in living on the edge, so when Desiree informed that she wanted me to throw myself into a sea of thousands of die hard Marianas Trench fans in hopes of learning what exactly is so irresistible about this Josh Ramsay fellow, I eagerly agreed. Realistically, 78% of me was worried that I may get trampled to death by a hoard of Converse sneakers and Toms. 18% of me was focusing on how grateful I was that I didn’t have Scorpion bits stuck in my teeth. And 4% of me just realized that 78% plus 18% doesn’t equal 100%.

I’m very happy to say that I came out of the pit with only minimal war wounds. I am also grateful for a strange new word to add to my elaborate vocabulary. And, I finally think that I understand the charm and fascination towards Mr. Josh Ramsay. Who woulda thunk.

“Describe Josh Ramsay in one word” was the question I asked groups of predominantly female fans who almost instantly started hyperventilating, or passing out with excitement at the mere mention of his name.

-Inspirational
-Talented
-Down to Earth (Wait, isn’t that three words?)
-Energetic
-Beautiful
-Intelligent
-Callipygian.

Hold up. I need to dictionary.com this last one. (In case you didn’t check the link, it means “having a beautiful and shapely buttocks.“) I’ll try my best to confirm or deny this claim later on.

I went into this concert with a very neutral opinion of Marianas Trench. I mean, I’ve never paid much attention to the band if I’m going to be completely honest. I know that Josh is the frontman of the band – a tall and lanky, human being. I also know that their songs come on the radio often, perhaps too often, and that when they do, I usually change the station. But Marianas Trench has 677, 024 fans on Facebook, which is about 677,000 more fans then I have, so I’m slightly intrigued to find out what exactly this band has done to become such a giant Canadian success.

Let me share with you a quick fun fact. Josh Ramsay is one of the master minds behind Carly Rae Jepsen’s, ‘Call Me Maybe’ which earned him a 2013 Grammy nomination for Song of the Year. You know what song I’m talking about, right? That song that goes like “Hey, I just met youuu, and this is crazyyy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe.” I have to give mad props to anyone who can produce such an undeniably catchy song, that not only has earned 576,000,000 YouTube views, but has such a catchy melody that it’s stuck in both of our heads right now, and will continue to play on repeat in our brain as we try to fall asleep tonight, and tomorrow night.. and the next night. Talented? Check.

Ramsay came flying onto the stage in his red pleather pants which complimented his Koolaid blue hair, and immediately started belting out the lyrics to ‘Ever After‘, ‘All to Myself‘ and ‘Desperate Measures‘ – all of which I found myself singing along to. Well, Joshy, can I call you Joshy? It appears that that you were somehow able to perform some sort of hypnosis on me which has engraved your song lyrics into my head, allowing me to sing along. Hypnosis can’t be an easy thing to master though, and you did it so well, so, Intelligent? Check. But for all I know, you could of hypnotized me to say that as well…

I was actually really enjoying the concert. The band interacted with the audience constantly, sounded comparable to the radio version of themselves, and had a crazy amount of energy throughout the show. But, there was definitely something still missing. That “moment.” You know what I’m talking about. Every good concert has a moment, and I had to wait until the encore for it to come, but I’ll admit that it was worth the wait. He walked back onto stage, with guitar in hand and asked “what song should I play next?“, as though he didn’t know that the audience would lose their minds over absolutely anything that came out of his mouth.

Good To You‘ was his moment. I was shocked at the clarity, strength, and range of his vocals. His voice was so crisp and pure that along with the rest of the audience, I was mesmerized for the next few minutes as the song continued.

“After the song was finished, Josh was back to running around the stage in a Red Bull-induced mania (Energetic?┬áCheck.) while tossing his faded blue bangs back and forth, and that’s when it hit me. Josh Ramsay is unapologetically and undeniably, Josh Ramsay.”

He owns the pants that look like they should be teleported back a few centuries, and the messy hair dye job, and the quirky motions and movements on stage, and every ounce of his captivating voice and talents. In a world where we are often told what we should, shouldn’t, and cannot do, I really respect someone who understands who they are, what they want to be, and accepts it all without any qualms. So I’m going to add a word of my own to the list.

Admirable. Check.

What’s my opinion on the other Josh Ramsay claims? Inspirational, Beautiful, Down to Earth? Well, everyone has their own reasoning behind feeling these ways towards him – so you know what, in the end, it doesn’t really matter what I think about any of those.

You know what does matter?

Callipygian.

Check.

Even if it is just the hypnosis talking.

Devan Rylee

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